This past Thursday morning my son sent me a text that read "Come get me now". As he sat down in his first period class, noticing the vacant seat beside him, his teacher announced to the class that their fellow student passed away the night before. He was River's best friend. He was only 14.
This once bright eyed, smiling, full of jokes and laughter boy had taken his own life. The reason is still unknown (that we know of) and the posts on facebook from other friends and family suggest they are just as staggered.
When I picked River up from school, my heart hit the floor as I saw him walking toward me. The look of pain and confusion on his face was more than I could bare. I felt like crying but I knew I needed to be strong for him. I just needed to get him home.
As a mother we want to protect our children and keep them from harms way. We teach them to look both ways before crossing the street, to not run with scissors, to stay away from drugs, to not drink and drive. We also want our kids happy and healthy. We give them love and support, we nurture them and encourage them to become strong independent people. But these things do not promise to keep them from hurting, from being sick, or from dying.
As I watch my son deal with the loss of his friend, I am reminded of how much we take for granted. We have no guarantees and once life here is over, there is no going back. It so absolute. I am also remided that through times like these, we need to turn to God even more to help get us through.
So, for a boy who's heart was so full of sorrow that he chose to end his pain, for a mother who's heart has broken for her loss of a child, and for my son who's heart is full of confusion and pain, I pray that God will be the ultimate healer of these hearts and cast his love, mercy, and comfort on them.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Sunday, February 5, 2012
God's Mouthpiece
I want to share this amazing story while the excitement and awe is still fresh and alive.
There have only been a few times when I can actually say without a shadow of a doubt that God was right there with me. So close that I had to look over my shoulder to see if He was actually standing there. Those few times have always left me awe struck and speechless. My immediate reaction has been to call everyone and share my experience, but always struggle for those yet undiscovered words to correctly illustrate what happened.
Well, God did visit me yesterday in the most peculiar way and once again I will try express the power of this story. Here is how it unfolded...
The past few weeks I have been feeling the pressures of life baring down a little tighter between work, school, the kids, and my relationship with God. Without going too much into my daily struggles, I will say that lately I have been trying to find my sense of purpose again. Yes, I am a mother, a wife, a friend, an employee,etc, but do I really make an impact in this world as I move through my daily routines?
I had a rough week last week dealing with my job and some other issues at home. My "Bring It On - I Got This" motto was not working for me. So to say, I was in a major funk!
Saturday couldnt come soon enoug! Savannah's softball league was holding its Spring Registration and we spent all morning at the park. I was a great way to relax and strip off the "blah" from my frustrating week. When it was over, I had to take Savannah to meet her step-mom so she could spend the rest of the weekend with her dad.
As we were leaving the parking lot she turned the radio to the local hip hop station. Since I just wasnt in the mood to listen to that, I turned it back to the local Christian radio station. She of course protested and I usually would of let her change it back (I pick my battles) but this time I told her it was my car and that is what I was gonna listen to!
The place I had to go is about 15 miles away down a long country road just outside of town. Savannah, Chase and I were casually chit chatting about this and that with the radio playing low in the background. Close to our destination I noticed a kid about 15-16 walking down the road headed toward town. Now to better understand why this would get my attention....THERE IS NOTHING OUT THERE! Its a fairly busy road, but there are LONG stretches of nothing but road and farmland. I could tell this kid was definitely on a mission too by the way he was walking.
So, I zip on down the road, pull into the gas station, say good bye Savannah, and then head for home. We have dinner guests coming in a few hours and I still have a bunch of stuff to get done. A few miles down the road I pass that kid again. He has on a back pack and is still in full stride. I thought "I wonder if he needs a ride?" Then I thought "No, you dont give rides to strangers, especially out in the middle of nowhere, unarmed, and your 4 year old in the back!"
For 2 miles I had this battle......"Yes! No! Should I?" Something kept telling me to turn around. I finally said out loud "God, what do you want me to do?"
All was silent except for the low playing radio station in which I heard they lyrics say "Just turn around".
So that is what I did.
As I am driving back toward the kid I still cant believe I am doing this. I pull onto the shoulder of the road, rolled down my window and asked him if he needed a ride. With several gracious Yes' and Thank You's, he ran across the street to the passenger door. As he nears the car I notice he is not a 15 year old kid, but a young adult of about 21-22.
He immediately introduces himself and again says thank you. I give him my name, crank up the air for him and ask him where he is headed. I felt very comfortable and safe with this stranger in my car and he immediately starts telling me all about himself. This is where it gets interesting and also the moment that my crappy week no longer matters.
He recently gratuated from UF (I cant remember what degree he said, but it had Science and Anatomy in the name) and wants to become a mortician. After graduation he began looking for an internship and with no immediate placement, he was forced to move in with his sister. After a few months he finally found a job where he could start his internship and work on fullfilling the requirements he needed to take his state certification.
You think "great, this guy is on his way", well here is the clincher. His sister's house is over 17 miles away from his job and he has to WALK to get there and back. With my jaw to the ground, I asked him how long it took him to get to work...........5 hours one way! I then ask him how long has he been doing this... 3 weeks! As I am trying to process this he continues to tell me that he is trying to save enough to get a place in close to work and he is almost there and it may take a little while longer. I try to feel sorry for him but he tells me "you do what you have to to make things happen, never give up and things will change".
He says he is determined to suceeed because his uncle runs the long time family owned Funeral Home Business in St. Augustine that he hopes will one day be handed down to him. The conversation continued on about the "process of embalming" and his love for the profession really shown through.
When I dropped him off at his destination (and 4 hours early) he graciously thanked me and shook my hand. I gave him my business card and told him to please call if he ever got into a jam. He said goodbye one more time and walked away. Sitting there watching him walk away, Chase asked "Mom, who was that?" Poor kid, I just dawned on me what he had been thinking this whole time. I told him that was a nice man who we helped.
What an inspiration! What an amazing person! What a way to put a life into perspective! How many of us would walk 5 hours/18 miles to work just one way! What would our world be like if we all had that much determination to make things happen. He could of easily given up, collected unemployement, and just excepted defeat. But No! He did what he had to do to achieve his goal. As my sister said "Walking wouldnt of even been an option for me!"
I felt God right there next to me. He told me my life does have purpose and I just fullfilled one part of it. God's love was shown through me and what an amazing experience it was. I bowed my head in the parking lot and thanked God for coming to see me that day and how that experience will forever change me for the better.
I know this is getting long, but this story gets even better...
So I finally made it home and in enough time for our dinner guests. I told the whole story again to my husband and our friends who probably thought I was insane for picking up a stranger with my kid in the car. We spent the next few hours enjoying great company and great food. My spirits were definetly lifted and I was feeling blessed. However, God wasnt done with me yet.
As my dinner guests got up to leave, my cell phone rang. It was a number I didnt recognize but I answered it. It was him. He apologized for it being late, but he wanted to see if I was headed back out of town and if I could give him a lift. My husband was a little weary but said "You offered your help when you gave him your card". My friend then said "We'll go get him". Huh? Really? She said "We are headed out anyway". Nice guesture, but he lives 18 miles in the opposite direction from them. They said no problem and left to go get him.
It was really late but I stayed up texting my most gracious and wonderful dinner guests to make sure all was well while they were taking the young man home. During our digital conversation, it dawned on me that I didnt know what song was playing when I heard those words. So I Googled 'christian song lyrics - just turn around'. The song came right up and its a song called Turn Around by Matt Maher. Without reading the lyrics, I emailed my friend the link and told him that was the song. His text response was "I like the first line - Young man on the side of the road".
I knew of the song, but I never knew what the words were. It felt like one more tight squeeze from God with his wonderful loving arms wrapped around me. I feel so proud to be a part of such an amazing story where so many little things brought all together to do something good and wonderful. I pray each one of us will take away something special from this expreience.
That radio was God's mouthpiece and I am so glad I was listening. My friend signed off in his text last night "God speaks to us all, unfortunately not everyone listens."
Sara E.
There have only been a few times when I can actually say without a shadow of a doubt that God was right there with me. So close that I had to look over my shoulder to see if He was actually standing there. Those few times have always left me awe struck and speechless. My immediate reaction has been to call everyone and share my experience, but always struggle for those yet undiscovered words to correctly illustrate what happened.
Well, God did visit me yesterday in the most peculiar way and once again I will try express the power of this story. Here is how it unfolded...
The past few weeks I have been feeling the pressures of life baring down a little tighter between work, school, the kids, and my relationship with God. Without going too much into my daily struggles, I will say that lately I have been trying to find my sense of purpose again. Yes, I am a mother, a wife, a friend, an employee,etc, but do I really make an impact in this world as I move through my daily routines?
I had a rough week last week dealing with my job and some other issues at home. My "Bring It On - I Got This" motto was not working for me. So to say, I was in a major funk!
Saturday couldnt come soon enoug! Savannah's softball league was holding its Spring Registration and we spent all morning at the park. I was a great way to relax and strip off the "blah" from my frustrating week. When it was over, I had to take Savannah to meet her step-mom so she could spend the rest of the weekend with her dad.
As we were leaving the parking lot she turned the radio to the local hip hop station. Since I just wasnt in the mood to listen to that, I turned it back to the local Christian radio station. She of course protested and I usually would of let her change it back (I pick my battles) but this time I told her it was my car and that is what I was gonna listen to!
The place I had to go is about 15 miles away down a long country road just outside of town. Savannah, Chase and I were casually chit chatting about this and that with the radio playing low in the background. Close to our destination I noticed a kid about 15-16 walking down the road headed toward town. Now to better understand why this would get my attention....THERE IS NOTHING OUT THERE! Its a fairly busy road, but there are LONG stretches of nothing but road and farmland. I could tell this kid was definitely on a mission too by the way he was walking.
So, I zip on down the road, pull into the gas station, say good bye Savannah, and then head for home. We have dinner guests coming in a few hours and I still have a bunch of stuff to get done. A few miles down the road I pass that kid again. He has on a back pack and is still in full stride. I thought "I wonder if he needs a ride?" Then I thought "No, you dont give rides to strangers, especially out in the middle of nowhere, unarmed, and your 4 year old in the back!"
For 2 miles I had this battle......"Yes! No! Should I?" Something kept telling me to turn around. I finally said out loud "God, what do you want me to do?"
All was silent except for the low playing radio station in which I heard they lyrics say "Just turn around".
So that is what I did.
As I am driving back toward the kid I still cant believe I am doing this. I pull onto the shoulder of the road, rolled down my window and asked him if he needed a ride. With several gracious Yes' and Thank You's, he ran across the street to the passenger door. As he nears the car I notice he is not a 15 year old kid, but a young adult of about 21-22.
He immediately introduces himself and again says thank you. I give him my name, crank up the air for him and ask him where he is headed. I felt very comfortable and safe with this stranger in my car and he immediately starts telling me all about himself. This is where it gets interesting and also the moment that my crappy week no longer matters.
He recently gratuated from UF (I cant remember what degree he said, but it had Science and Anatomy in the name) and wants to become a mortician. After graduation he began looking for an internship and with no immediate placement, he was forced to move in with his sister. After a few months he finally found a job where he could start his internship and work on fullfilling the requirements he needed to take his state certification.
You think "great, this guy is on his way", well here is the clincher. His sister's house is over 17 miles away from his job and he has to WALK to get there and back. With my jaw to the ground, I asked him how long it took him to get to work...........5 hours one way! I then ask him how long has he been doing this... 3 weeks! As I am trying to process this he continues to tell me that he is trying to save enough to get a place in close to work and he is almost there and it may take a little while longer. I try to feel sorry for him but he tells me "you do what you have to to make things happen, never give up and things will change".
He says he is determined to suceeed because his uncle runs the long time family owned Funeral Home Business in St. Augustine that he hopes will one day be handed down to him. The conversation continued on about the "process of embalming" and his love for the profession really shown through.
When I dropped him off at his destination (and 4 hours early) he graciously thanked me and shook my hand. I gave him my business card and told him to please call if he ever got into a jam. He said goodbye one more time and walked away. Sitting there watching him walk away, Chase asked "Mom, who was that?" Poor kid, I just dawned on me what he had been thinking this whole time. I told him that was a nice man who we helped.
What an inspiration! What an amazing person! What a way to put a life into perspective! How many of us would walk 5 hours/18 miles to work just one way! What would our world be like if we all had that much determination to make things happen. He could of easily given up, collected unemployement, and just excepted defeat. But No! He did what he had to do to achieve his goal. As my sister said "Walking wouldnt of even been an option for me!"
I felt God right there next to me. He told me my life does have purpose and I just fullfilled one part of it. God's love was shown through me and what an amazing experience it was. I bowed my head in the parking lot and thanked God for coming to see me that day and how that experience will forever change me for the better.
I know this is getting long, but this story gets even better...
So I finally made it home and in enough time for our dinner guests. I told the whole story again to my husband and our friends who probably thought I was insane for picking up a stranger with my kid in the car. We spent the next few hours enjoying great company and great food. My spirits were definetly lifted and I was feeling blessed. However, God wasnt done with me yet.
As my dinner guests got up to leave, my cell phone rang. It was a number I didnt recognize but I answered it. It was him. He apologized for it being late, but he wanted to see if I was headed back out of town and if I could give him a lift. My husband was a little weary but said "You offered your help when you gave him your card". My friend then said "We'll go get him". Huh? Really? She said "We are headed out anyway". Nice guesture, but he lives 18 miles in the opposite direction from them. They said no problem and left to go get him.
It was really late but I stayed up texting my most gracious and wonderful dinner guests to make sure all was well while they were taking the young man home. During our digital conversation, it dawned on me that I didnt know what song was playing when I heard those words. So I Googled 'christian song lyrics - just turn around'. The song came right up and its a song called Turn Around by Matt Maher. Without reading the lyrics, I emailed my friend the link and told him that was the song. His text response was "I like the first line - Young man on the side of the road".
I knew of the song, but I never knew what the words were. It felt like one more tight squeeze from God with his wonderful loving arms wrapped around me. I feel so proud to be a part of such an amazing story where so many little things brought all together to do something good and wonderful. I pray each one of us will take away something special from this expreience.
That radio was God's mouthpiece and I am so glad I was listening. My friend signed off in his text last night "God speaks to us all, unfortunately not everyone listens."
Sara E.
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